Dating can provide you with many precious experiences and memories. It can also give you insights into what kind of guys exist and it will help you determine what you would like and appreciate in a mate. There comes a time though, when looking and searching for that perfect one can be frustrating. You may consider settling for anyone just to tell your friends that you're finally off the market.
But you are a child of God. A strong, capable, smart woman. And you know that there are things you should not put up with and you know that there are men out there that you should probably avoid at all costs. Maybe you totally understand what I'm writing here because you've made this mistake one too many times- but it's not too late to change your ways.
God is in the matchmaking business. He celebrates when His children find the person that they want to spend the rest of their lives with. He rejoices in their unity when He is in the center of that relationship because He knows what a powerhouse they will be for His Kingdom. It can be difficult though, especially in this society, to find the right kind of guy to fall in love with and bind yourself to forever. A lot of women have lowered their standards, others have given up completely.
I get that loneliness can be hard. Trust me. College for me was horrible. I compromised many times just because I was desperate for companionship. Save yourself the lasting consequences of that, and don't let yourself settle for God's best. You are much better off on your own than wasting your time with the wrong one.
Here are the types of men you need to avoid:
The Self Centered Boy
People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
2 Timothy 3:2
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:4
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Ephesians 5:25
To have a healthy and thriving marriage, you cannot be with a man who is selfish and prideful. These men will make marriage extremely difficult and will find it nearly impossible to live out the verse in Ephesians where it talks about about putting you above himself. You may always come second, third, or fourth in his life and we both know that makes for a crummy relationship.
One thing I noticed with guys who are super selfish is that they often make the other partner feel like they are walking on a tightrope. If you feel like the slightest issue will make them leave, it's because they know how to control you.
No matter how handsome or talented he may seem, marriage is all about togetherness. It can't be one-sided. Your life should be celebrated and regarded by the man you call your husband. If it's not, then you're destined for an eternal struggle.
Here are 5 signs that he is selfish:
1. He's always on the defensive and never wants to apologize first.
2. It is always about his opinions. He does not want to consider the opinions of others; due to his self-absorption, he's consumed by his own point of view, self-image, and desires.
3. He hides his insecurities behind a cloak of success
4. He lacks empathy.
5. He frequently uses words like “should” or “must.” He wants to dominate in any relationship because he sees relationships as a tool for getting what he want and making himself the center of attention.
The Flirt
"I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me."
Psalm 101:3
"But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Matthew 5:28
If you are considering dating a man but you notice his eyes are all over other women, then you might not have the right man. A person who can’t control their eyes probably can’t control their lust. I dated one of these guys one time, and I was continually concerned with him always flirting with the waitress, women in the mall, and anybody else that was around. His wandering eye always shattered my heart and didn't make me feel like I was enough for him. And guess what? I knew it would just get worse once I married him.
Flirting isn't purely physical as well, it also is about who the guy is following on social media and who they are interacting with. What kind of photos are they liking? Do they get jumpy when you go and open up their Instagram? Does he want to protect himself, or could he care less?
Watch for behaviors that signal trouble. Is he respectful to women? Does he act a certain way around your friends? Is he begging you to get a little intimate with him? All of those are red flags.
Here are 3 signs that he is a flirt:
1. You see body contact with other females. If he's guilty of touching her shoulder and back, look at it as a glaring red flag.
2. He changes his phone password. He becomes jumpy when you're around his computer/phone. You see him following half naked people on social media and you catch him liking their photos/deleting messages with them.
3. He can't control his eyes whenever you're out in public. If he does that in front of you, imagine what he must do in private.
The Unbeliever
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
– 2 Corinthians 6:14
This will almost always end up in heartache. Christian women should never even consider it. Men who don’t believe in Christ are not healthy for Christian women. Why? Because they will never be able to help you grow in your walk with God and you will never get to know a true Christ-like love. Those who don’t know God cannot truly love, because God is love.
Quick story:
I needed a prom date because my boyfriend of one year had broken up with me at the time. I was desperate and decided to give a guy that kept messaging me on Facebook a shot. I knew he probably wasn't much of a Christian going into it, but I went anyway so I didn't have my reputation tarnished by not having a date. Well after prom, he kept pursuing me and professing his love towards me. One night, I told him we weren't equally yoked and that it wasn't going to work. He asked me why I was talking about eggs............
That's when I knew it was never going to go anywhere- Ha! So please, sister, stick to this verse. What fellowship has light with darkness? This is not an outdated religious rule. It is God's command for you in the now.
Don’t allow a man’s charisma, looks or financial success push you to compromise on what you know is the right thing. Also, if he says he will go to church with you- that doesn't count. Missionary dating is never wise. Take it from me... One time a guy literally got baptized because I encouraged him to do so, yet he was drinking and smoking each night with his buddies. If the guy is not a born-again Christian, ripping his Bible a part with a highlighter, and desperately trying to live for Christ, scratch him off your list. He’s not right for you.
Here are 3 signs that he isn't a believer:
1. He makes you compromise on your convictions. Then he brags to his friends about it.
2. You have to be always on top of him about reading his Bible and learning more about Jesus.
3. Whenever you have a problem, he never leads you to Christ, but to himself.
You have probably heard the saying and the movie, “He’s not that into you”.
One of the many signs that you are dating someone that just isn’t that into you is that he will not put in an effort to be with you. Every interaction is initiated by you and oftentimes every date is planned by you too.
If he is truly the one, then he will actively pursue you. He will call, he will text and he will enjoy putting in the necessary effort.
Pray that God will guide and give you wisdom through this season. Ask for His protection and help in making the best choices about any relationship.
And remember these key points...
- You are valuable and so treasured by God. Do not believe the lies that you need to settle for a guy that you can't fully trust.
- God knows exactly what you need. We may not have it all figured out or be able to see what, or who, is ahead. But He knows. His timing is great and beautiful and perfect. Don’t think for a minute He’s forgotten you. He cares. And He has the power to do great things.
- No matter who you decide to date, I recommend choosing wisely by praying about it first. Ask God if He approves. He is a good Father, and He will lead you in the right direction.
- Never wait to bring up the fact that you're an "all-in" Christian. Make it the first thing you talk about. This guy should know where you affections are.
- I have yet to meet someone who didn't regret marrying someone that wasn't faithful, wasn't sacrificial, and wasn't a believer.
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