You know that feeling you get when you have met someone that you really really really really want in your life?
I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about...
The two of you seem to fit in every way, you like the same things, believe the same things, and enjoy each other’s company. But then you discover that there is one major problem...that person is totally unavailable.
This can be a painful blow.
The truth is- We all grow up dreaming about the day when we will find that special someone in our lives. The person that we can share those three special words with. Falling for someone cannot always be in your control- even if that person is taken. And it may feel completely unfair. Your heart may feel so crushed. All your daydreams may feel like they just blew up in a blaze. Yet, you aren’t the type to take something that isn’t yours, so you have to give up on the idea of being with that person.
And just because you've come to that resolution, does not mean it's going to be easy.
I want to encourage you. I've been where you're at before. But it was when I wasn't saved - so I didn't handle it the best possible way at all.
I made moves on a guy who had a girlfriend, and he's now married to her as well. I live in such shame of that. It was such a low point of my life and wasn't worth that instant gratification at all.
I say that little story just so you can understand that I get your struggle and this war inside of you. Loving and wanting someone that you can never have feels impossible.
Let's go through some healthy ways that you could get through this...
Be Constant In Prayer
As humans, there is only so much we can do.
There is no way that we can control every aspect of our lives.
When we try, things only get harder.
Instead of trying to muster up your own strength, I dare you to be constant in prayer.
Make God your number one friend and confidant. He holds all of the power, and if this unavailable person is the right person for you, then God will create a way for it to happen.
And if this unavailable person is not the right person for you, God will also make that clear to you.
It may not be in your timing or the way that you would want it, but it will be what is best for you in the long run.
Remember Romans 8:28.
There is no way that you would be able to handle a hard situation like this or know what God is wanting from you, without giving Him control and confiding in Him through prayer. We have to be in constant communication with God and invite the Holy Spirit to move in our circumstances. Whether He makes a way for the outcome you want or not, He is the greatest comforter and friend you could have in this situation. Don’t discount the power of prayer to calm your anxious heart.
Trust That God Knows What He Is Doing
This person is unavailable on purpose.
Sometimes things happen that we just do not understand, but I promise you that God does have a reason for it. Have you heard that phrase “God is in the details”? - Well it’s so true! God doesn’t just look at a vague picture of your life, He looks at every little detail, every thought, and every action.
This person isn’t just unavailable because God forgot about you and His plan for you. It is actually the complete opposite. God cherishes His plan for you. God knows every little thing you need at the exact time you need it. Surrender to God’s plan and know that there is purpose in every circumstance.
Trust me- I'm so beyond thrilled that I didn't end up with that guy that was taken when I was 16 years old. If God had given me what I wanted in that moment, I would have been so miserable.
He knows what He is doing.
In order to trust Him, block that person on social media. Give yourself distance from them. You need it now more than ever. God will work through your obedience.
See Through A Heavenly Lens
Once you begin to trust that God has a divine plan for your life, challenge yourself to see the world through His eyes. What is He trying to teach you in this season of waiting? What does He want you to learn? What might He be preparing you for?
Here is an amazing tip: Go and buy the book Redeeming Love by Francene Rivers.
I read this in my season of utter heartbreak and I became so obsessed with it.
It's a modern version of the story of Hosea- and the cover looks really corny, but I promise you won't be able to put it down. And it will seriously comfort your soul!!!
Don’t get lazy during this season. Work hard, go deep, and seek God intentionally.
Find an awesome church community to be a part of and soak up as much wisdom as possible.
This is a perfect time to remind yourself of what you are really living for. We live for God’s glory and our eternal relationship with Him, not simply for what we want in the moment.
Keep Your Eyes Up
Continue to make Jesus your everything. Do this by going on weekly dates with God. Put all your effort into falling in love with Him again.
There is an intense pressure in our culture to find that special someone and begin your life with them as soon as possible. But maybe it is not your time yet, and that is okay.
If the person you are in love with is not available, re-adjust that attention and spend that energy doing something that lasts for eternity. He is the way, the truth, and the light. His love is truly all that we need. Let go of everything that you wish you had and hold tight to what you already have – God’s love.
I know this season of life is hard. It feels lonely and hopeless. But wow! What an opportunity for growth. Don’t just sit back and feel sorry for your circumstances, stand up and make the best of them. Maybe your time just hasn’t come yet, or maybe this truly isn’t the right person for you. Whatever it may be, know that God still holds all the power and He truly is doing what is best for you. He is a good God, know that, trust in that, and live like it is the truth.