Do you find yourself thinking about your partners past?
I used to be really guilty of it. Probably way too often.
I would play Ron's past relationships in my mind like a movie and get totally sick over it.
Constantly obsessing over what his life used to be like before me was slowly drowning me in stress. I still need to give myself a pep talk from time to time so I don't go down that trap.
The truth is: When we agreed to date or marry our person, we agreed to accept their past, simultaneously. We can't get sick, mad, or hurt over things they can't do anything to fix anymore. If you allow yourself to get jealous over things that happened years ago, then it will absolutely lead to heated arguments and a lack of emotional intimacy.
That doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid and that you can't process them. I'm just telling you to do it in a healthy way.
When you love God, you are aware that no one is a perfect person and that everyone in the world is a sinner. That concept is one that we are used to. It's funny that once we enter a relationship, that concept becomes such a harder pill to swallow. Commitment reveals the deepest and most genuine parts of our souls to one another and we have to choose to continually pursue each other, even if our insides are both a complete mess.
It's not easy to deal with his past and move on without thinking about it. Fortunately, we can do everything through Christ who strengthens us.
Here are a few tips to being victorious in this area...
Honor Their Honesty
The fact that they told us about their life in the past, is a blessing and means they are trustworthy. We need to work on giving them a safe place so they don't feel like they can't come to us with hard stuff. If you feel yourself wanting to cry or get angry, just excuse yourself or tell him to continue the conversation another time. Confide in a friend instead.
Honestly... if my husband didn't make the mistakes he made, he says that he would never have learned what God's grace was. That's huge. I can't wish his past away because it all worked together for his good in the end. He won't ever repeat those mistakes but they did make him a better man. We need to trust the Lord that He took care of our partner even back then.
It's A You Problem
A lot of times I would overthink so much about his past that I would suddenly start giving him an attitude every time he tried to talk to me. We need to stop being passive aggressive and realize that he didn't do a single thing to us, it's just the enemy trying to cause division. Realize that it's an internal problem. Pray about it and bring it to the cross.
You do not need to be like Eve in the garden. Stop trying to play God. We were not made to seek out all of the answers, we were just made to seek the Lord. Don't put a spotlight on your man and demand for him to tell you every little detail. You don't need to know the hair color of every girl he has ever kissed... As bad as you might want to.
You Have A Past Too
You have a past too. It may not be as colorful as his, but you did do things you aren't proud of. Once you repented of those sins, God forgave you and never brought it up again or used it against you. You need to give that same grace that you have received, to your partner.
Your boyfriend or husband didn't land on earth just in time for you to get into a relationship with him, without any baggage in sight. He has a whole life that he has lived and some of it happened before the two of you ever met. This is life. This is adulthood. If you agree to accept him, flaws and all, it will make for a deep, beautiful, and God centered relationship.