Divorce is hard. Divorce on kids can be even harder.
Most of the time parents have no idea what the detrimental impact of their divorce will have on their kids. In addition, kids will have no idea that so many of the issues they are dealing with in life are because of the divorce of their parents.
This experience can be confusing and it is filled with a lot of hurt. It is never pleasant, no matter how amiable the divorce may have been.
If you are still feeling the negative impacts of your parents divorce, you are not alone.
So many young and grown people are living with the ramifications of divorce. You may already realize how your parents divorce has affected you, or perhaps you aren't even sure which areas of your life have been impacted. Either way, I want to share with you some of the things that happen when your parents get divorced. What I say may encourage you and you will know that you are not alone, or it may give you clarity on what you have experienced. However it hits you, I hope that it can give you hope.
Here Are 5 Things That Happen When Your Parents Split Up
You’ll feel abandoned in one way or another.
Divorce always results in feelings of abandonment. This can happen a few ways. Divorce means that the kids will usually be spending most of their time with whomever has custody, which results in them losing one of their parents for half the time. Even though the parent who doesn’t have custody isn’t always trying to abandon them and start a new life, it will feel like it.
Also, if there was another parent who wanted the divorce first, and they chose to be the ones to leave the other spouse, the kids will know it. They will feel it. And again, at the core, will also feel abandoned. Then, as each new parent begins to eventually date again, all the intimate and bonding time that the kids had with their parents, when it was just them and no one else, now will be being split by someone they barely know, and they will again, feel abandoned.
As an adult, it is crucial to go back and deal with issues of abandonment from a divorce, or else they will carry over to your current situations and relationships and cause many problems.
You’ll lose part of your care-free childhood and innocence.
Divorce makes kids grow up way faster than they need to. They hear conversations they shouldn’t have, feel emotions they should never have to, and are exposed to adult issues they were never meant to know. Many times, parents talk to their children about what is going on, which only opens their mind and takes them away from the care-free childhood they are supposed to still be living in. Topics that are even heavy for adults should never be shared with children. Their minds are like sponges, they soak up and are affected by everything.
The sanctity of marriage will be lost.
Marriage is one of the holiest unions before God, and something that He does not take lightly. But when a child sees their parents get a divorce, in an instant, the word marriage is now stained, and what was sacred before in their eyes, is now disposable.
Many kids decide they don’t even want to ever get married after witnessing all the hurt and heartbreak their parents went through. And some, will believe that marriage isn’t life long, that if it isn’t working, you can just move on. It will be crucial for kids who came from divorce to remember that Jesus said to follow Him, not anyone else, and to seek what He says about marriage. This only comes from seeking the scriptures on marriage in the Bible and letting God redefine what it was and give back what was once lost. Asking Him to heal the wounds is the only way to find hope.
The Roles of Husband/Wife Will be Merged and Confused
When divorce happens and the parents are now living single lives and doing all of the parenting duties on their own, roles are going to be skewed in the eyes of the children. God designed the family and roles for a reason, and when they are not carried out, everything gets confusing. A daughter might see their mom begin to do all the manly duties. Providing, protecting, disciplining, doing the heavy lifting, and suddenly believe that that is what all women do. They later will go into a marriage, de-masculinizing the man, taking all of his roles, and making him feel like he isn’t fulfilling his God given roles. Boys might see their dads doing all the laundry, cleaning, cooking, and roles typically taken on by women, and when they get in a marriage, take on all the nurturing roles of the wife, making her feel like she needs to compete for her roles, causing tension in the marriage, and major issues, for them and their kids.
The family will break down.
As mentioned above, when God created the family He did it with order. The husband was at the head; the spiritual leader, the CEO of the family, the one God put in place to run the family, and the wife was right there under him; to support him, to help him, and to be his biggest encourager. When you dismantle the family, everything will begin to crumble. The needs of the children won’t be met, they’ll be no structure, it will all fall, and every person in the family will suffer. This is usually why so many kids who came from divorce end up struggling. They will begin looking for the love that was lost in all the wrong places, whether it’s addiction, perfectionism, relationships, etc. When the family is in place, it gives the children a much better shot at receiving all God had planned for them to receive from the parents. When they are split, they are already going into a world against them, without some of the valuable resources and love that comes from married parents.
So as you can see, divorce can cause an array of issues. These are just some, and not all these apply to everyone, but more than likely, most of these are a result of divorce. But what satan uses for bad, God can most certainly pick up the pieces, and use for good.