When I was 16, I accepted Jesus into my boy crazy, insecure, attention craving, heart. It was the summer of 2012 and I knew in order to follow Jesus with my all, I had to cut off all the dates I was going on and just focus on Him. The only thing is that I didn't want to... at all.
There was a certain high I'd get when going out with older guys that had cars and there was a certain rush I would feel when I would do something I knew I shouldn't have been doing. At night though, when I would crawl into bed, I was forced to face my lonely self and I knew it wasn't worth it. I knew something needed to change. I would pray over and over again that God would rescue me from myself and that's exactly what He did.
I had just started to read my Bible and I was working through the Psalms. On one night where I was particularly struggling with wanting worldly affirmations, I came upon this verse...
Psalm 86:11
"Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; Give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."
For some reason, that verse really stuck out to me. As I dug deeper, I understood why.
Think about a physical heart... When the heart is not united with itself and different parts of the heart are not in sync with each other, then that person will be slowly dying. If one part of the heart is pumping blood super fast and the other part of the heart is not receiving it as quickly, then they are in pretty big trouble.
It's the same exact thing with a spiritual heart. If one part of your spiritual heart is on fire for God and the other part of your heart wants a ton of boys to give you attention, then your faith is not going to last very long.
That was the night I decided to have an undivided heart for the Lord.
I finally stopped answering texts from guys, I stopped wearing attention craving outfits, I stopped flirting with my eyes just to get a quick dose of confidence. I stopped it all. I replaced all of that with...
Weekly, intimate, dates with Jesus, spending time with good godly friends, and creating a future husband box that I'd fill with a ton of letters and other fun things.
Let me just say... This box stopped me from doing a looooot of stupid things. Every time I would be tempted to text somebody or do something ungodly, I would take out a piece of paper and write my future husband a note. I would pray passionately for him and for our children, and then soon things would go back in perspective in my mind. I knew I'd eventually find out who God wanted me to be with and I knew that man would appreciate my faithfulness, even in my singleness.
Fast forward 6 years later....
I am getting married in ONE month and my future husband's box is overflowing.
I cannot wait to give them all to Ronnie and show him how many times I prayed for him, loved on him, and waited for him. He is planning to sit down on our wedding night and read them all, and I know in that moment while watching him read my words from my younger self, it will feel so surreal.
If you are a girl that relates to my story, grab an old shoe box and start a whole future husband box. It's going to be hard and you're going to cry a lot, if you're anything like me, but I promise you, it will be worth it. I am the kind of girl that lives for the moment and doesn't give a ton of thought for the future...trust me... yet, somehow God protected me and shielded me through writing these words down.
It gives you such an unexplainable hope.
Don't think it's impossible to stay true to your future husband before meeting him- because it IS.
God is so faithful to those who want to obey Him.
Believe it.
