We Only Sorta Dated- So Why Can't I Move On?




Most times, the guy you never really had is harder to get over than an actual breakup with a boyfriend.


With a boyfriend, at least you were in the relationship.


You most likely understand why the relationship broke down in the first place. When you are attached to a guy that you've never been with, then all of the "could have been" thoughts and fantasies wrap around your brain and it all just puts you in an emotional prison. All because, he doesn't want you. He didn't like you enough to even give it a try. You're wondering why and before you get over him, you need answers.

I was you. I waited for closure many times, but one time stands out the most.

I was a little freshman. He was a senior jock. We went on a few dates (and by dates I mean we watched a few movies in his basement), he gave me his sweatshirt, and I was hooked. But just like the story always goes, all of a sudden he stopped texting me, unfollowed me on social, and avoided eye contact with me in the hallways. I didn't understand why. I went out of my way to try and always look nice. I cooked a meal for him one time. I put in all of my effort to make him like me. Yet, he didn't. Even though he lead me on for a short period of time, the end of our fling was brutal. I cried for weeks and wrote so many songs about it.

For a while, I put my life on hold just to wait for him to hopefully give me a respectful goodbye. In doing that, I gave up all of the power and all of the control. I showed him that I had little to no self worth at all. I reached out to him, wrote him letters, I even threw a house party to get him in the same room as me because I knew he wouldn’t say no to a good time. How pathetic, right? My need for acceptance was so strong that I put everything on the line to attain it.

Friends came along side me and would say "You never really were official, so why does it matter?" or "You deserve better anyway. It's not a big deal." And even though my head agreed with what they were saying, my heart just couldn't.

Relationships that had a beginning, a middle, and an end have given us all that we could take out of them. Of course, it's still sad to watch them die- but the story was completed. But the guys we fell for that never fell for us back? The potential of that relationship could haunt us for the rest of our lives.

It haunted me. I refused to move past the experience unless he gave me a reason why or any type of closure. I wanted him to make me feel better.

There came a time where I needed to let go of the expectation of the world taking care of my emotional needs. It was time to take responsibility over the fact that I was vulnerable and I wore my heart on my sleeve. After a lot of suffering, I made the choice to own what happened and continually give my broken heart to God. I ran after my healing and never looked back.

If you're in the same same boat and the person you love isn't giving you closer... move past this situation and find your closer through Jesus. He loves you and will walk you through this heartbreak just like he does with all of our heartbreaks. He won't question why you are hurting so bad, if you never actually dated, He knows you're hurt and He treasures your heart. Look to God for your healing and you will find it. And remember, just because somebody couldn't see your worth, doesn't mean that you don't have any.


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© 2020 by Jonni Nicole Parsons