Unfaithfulness has always been a major fear of mine. I knew the enemy would try some sly things because of this, but I didn't think he would try it so soon.
While on the alter with Ron, we dedicated our bodies, hearts, minds, and souls to one another. Right after that, a friend pulled me aside and said words that I'll never forget.
"Don't ever stop fighting to protect your marriage. When things seem calm and just fine between you both, they're not. The enemy is always working behind the scenes to trip you up."
I was in my wedding dress and thought "GEE- THANKS FOR THE SWEET WORDS, FRIEND!" Though I wish I didn't hear it in that moment, I'm glad now that I did. Those were true words spoken over me. Marriage is something to be fiercely protected.
When on our honeymoon, something strange happened. A woman came up to Ronnie in the pool and asked him if he was there with his wife. After he responded with "Yeah, I am.", she proceeded to tell him how one woman would never be enough and that he will soon be looking for a side chick. She told him that her and her husband date and hook up with other people all the time. It was just normal to them and that he should try it too.
I was getting my tan on and I didn't hear this conversation, but Ronnie came back in disbelief, explaining it to me, and shaking his head. He was livid and I was too.
Let's just say... I could have become real bitter, let my pride come out, and marched right over to her to let her have it. Trust me, I wanted to do that. My blood was boiling as I saw her in a bikini from across the pool, sipping on her drink with a floppy hat. To my surprise though, my heart broke for her instead.
She clearly didn't know Jesus or the intimate union of marriage. She clearly never tasted from the spring of living water. She clearly was looking for something to fill up her deep emptiness.
Later on, I bumped into her while getting some food and I felt an overwhelming sense of compassion for her. She had no idea who I was, but I began a conversation with her which eventually lead to me telling her about Christ. I told her that I was lost for a very long time, but that I found the One that changed everything for me.
I know... I couldn't believe I did that either!
I don't think the conversation touched her heart all that much because I saw her later on yelling, cursing, and being super promiscuous, but it did do a lot for me.
After this situation, Ron and I decided to come up with ways we could actively honor each other in similar scenarios and go to war with unfaithfulness. Here are some things we came up with:
1. Transparency: For some reason, without fail, when I'm in the car driving next to a man, he tries flirting with me. It happens multiple times a week and it's so weird because I just got my license and didn't even know this was a thing. Men start to drive faster or slower and they try to get my attention. It would be really easy for me to look up, exchange a glance, and feel confident because I know he wants me. It would be some harmless affirmation, right? Wrong.
Instead, I completely ignore them and I tell Ron when I get home. And guess what?! He's transparent with me too! When there is a commercial with a half naked girl on TV, Ron will tell me in passing and just let me know that he looked away. We are open and honest with each other about the temptation around us and what ways we choose to fight it.
2. Devotionals: We have been using the Bible App for some devotionals. I invite Ron into a plan that I'm doing and at the end of every devotional, we email each other with our thoughts on the verses that we read. We have been doing strictly marital devotionals and it's making us closer than ever. It helps us to remember to choose each other every single day. Even when we don't want to. Even when there are so many other voices screaming to choose them instead. We make a conscience effort to choose each other.
3. Not Going Out Alone With The Opposite Sex: I have found that many disagree with me on this point. Usually my secular friends laugh at me and tell me that we must not truly trust each other. They're right. We don't. Of course, Ron and I trust each other to a certain extent, but we also know that we are frail human beings who are prone to wander from the Lord. Why put yourself in a position that you could hurt your spouse? A question I get a lot is, "What if a guy wants to learn about God and asks you to teach him?" and I say "Then I give him Ronnie's number.". We should respect our appearances in public for our spouses.
4. Keeping Each Other Satisfied: We have learned how important love languages are lately. I used to show him love in the way I felt most loved, yet he was never happy. I never understood it until I realized that writing him love letters and holding his hand 24/7 wasn't something that really appealed to his heart. Making his most treasured meals and watching his favorite movie with him drove him crazy though. It's essential to be actively pursuing your spouse. If you are too busy loving your partner and seeking Christ, you won't have idle time to entertain the sin around you.
5. Pray: Every day, without fail so far, I've made it a point to pray against the enemy in my life and Ron's. Unfortunately, unfaithfulness runs in my family through a long line of generations but I refuse to let it continue any longer. I know that I used to struggle big time with needing attention, and I really don't want to ever struggle with that in marriage because that will lead to sin. A lot of men struggle too with faithfulness in marriage, so it's my responsibility to pray hard for the blood of Christ to cover Ron, his thoughts, and that God will give him strength to live with full integrity.
I believe that it is entirely possible to be fully faithful in marriage and we are fighting to do just that. You are not the exception. Trust me. Join us and pursue holiness with us!