Porn Isn't Just A Problem For Men

Updated: Dec 9, 2019



Whenever I would hear someone talking about pornography use and its harmful consequences, they were always talking to men. I would sit there feeling alone, isolated, and honestly, really stupid. In those moments, my thoughts looked a little something like this: "I must seriously be the only female in the world that struggles with this. There is no escaping it."

The first time I was ever exposed to this monster was in 6th grade and it got worse as I got older. My shame engulfed me and my worthlessness encouraged me. Once I was saved, I would still dance with this old friend from time to time, and each time I tried to confess it to someone in the church, they would get really awkward and weird about it. This conversation is rarely ever started by a girl, so I get how they were usually surprised- but it just made me feel like I had no hope at all.

Does this sound familiar?

It may not be a full blown problem in your life, but it's probably taken you places that you've never intended to go. You may have thought it would totally be fine to just look at it a few times so you could get a sexual release without any risks involved, but now you're probably realizing that it was more of a gamble than you thought. It may just be a hobby in your life when you are bored, but now you're questioning your sexuality, you have a skewed view on women and men, and you have an unhealthy appetite for sex.

The very thing that promised to set you free with its newness and excitement has imprisoned you. So, now what?

The first thing you must know is this: You aren't alone. I know you may think you have no one to relate to... but this is a major issue for women in the Christian community. It's just never talked about and that needs to change. I'll tell you how I know that you and I aren't the only odd ones that have tried this gross sin out... I was meeting with a worship leader from my college and I was on her iPhone looking something up. All of a sudden, her recently visited sites popped up on the search bar... and it was all pornography sites. My mind started racing and I felt my heart sink to my toes. This was a serious sin in her life and she probably felt too much pressure to be perfect to ever bring it to anyone.

Don't be like her.

You aren't on your own. But don't buy the lie that you are now going to walk in freedom just because you know that other women engage in pornography. That's not enough. It takes a conscience effort and a daily surrender in order to be sober from it.

The only way sin can die is in the light. That's how it died forever with me. So tell someone. Shout it from the rooftops. Let your most trusted pals know that you crave freedom. They will probably relate to your struggle and then you can lead each other to the cross through encouragement. There really is so much hope.

Christian women are prone to fall into the same sin that any other human has fallen into. We aren't these mystical creatures that aren't phased by sexual temptation. We just have these insane expectations and standards placed on us by society and we feel the need to measure up to them. So we take our best smelling perfume and pour it all over our trash that is attached to us. Sisters, we are aloud to be messy and drenched in filth. Just like men. This sin isn't gender specific. We just aren't called to stay there in our ashes. We are called to run to Christ so that He can clean us up, give us a new life, and give us a crown in exchange for our mess ups.

I want to preach grace to you because I know you need it. Satan is happy when you indulge in self-hatred. He is thrilled when you refuse to seek God while you sit there condemning yourself once it's all over. Don't let him be glorified. Fight your emotions all the way to the feet of Jesus. Let your heart break in His hands so He will be able to put it back together again.

If you didn't have a good father growing up, maybe you don't understand how this whole adoption thing works. I didn't understand it either for a while. I compared my heavenly Father to my earthly father all of the time, and it proved to be dangerous. But as I read my Bible, I have begun to understand who God really is. I like to think about it like this... Imagine you are a tiny baby and you are seriously sick. You throw up all over yourself in your room and you start calling for help. Your dad swings the door open and sees you sitting there in that horribleness. Ask yourself this.... Does he roll his eyes and walk out, leaving you on your own? Or does he pick you up, bring you to the bathroom, and fix you all up?

I'd like to think that if God is called a good Father, that He would be the kind of person to get involved and be intimate with us. No matter what. He doesn't want to leave you. It's His job to get you better. Just let Him.

While grace and mercy are so real and motivating, I also need you to know how serious this is. Pornography has lasting effects. It's a pathway to infidelity and divorce. It's a major factor in family disasters. It gives you deep insecurities. It's addictive. It hurts the people you love. It gets you so very far from God. It seriously is a horrible sin and if you are dating somebody involved in it, I would tell you to break up with them, no questions asked. I would also tell the person dating you to break up with you if you are heavily involved in this as well. It's not something to take lightly.

I have been liberated from this sin for quite some time. I am not only liberated from the sin, but I'm even liberated from the lure that comes with this sin. It repulses me. It infuriates me. But it takes work to get to this point.


Ron and I never watch R rated movies, we fast forward any questionable scenes on TV shows, we look away any time the enemy tries to put something in front of us. We have access to each others history and computers, Ron doesn't have social media, and we put boundaries on a lot of other areas of our lives. You may think that it is ridiculous to live this way... but we have agreed that we rather make a serious effort to be as far away as possible from this sin as we can be, than having the sin ruin our lives if we get too close. We understand fully that it could easily ruin everything we have worked so hard to build. It's not worth it to us.

Even if you wouldn't classify yourself as addicted, see yourself as addicted. I know many recovering heroin addicts that have been free for 10+ years. If they can do it without Jesus, imagine what we can do with Jesus? It's possible. Stop buying the lies that you tell yourself right before you cave in. It's going to end in heartbreak. It's going to end in regret. I've been in your shoes more times than I can count. I've felt like a hypocrite and have failed more times than I have succeeded. But one day, I didn't want to live a complacent life anymore. I wanted to grow up. I wanted to reflect the woman in Proverbs 31. I wanted to look my daughter in the eye one day and tell her there really is freedom in the blood of Christ.

So in a nutshell...

So many women struggle with pornography and it is time we start being vocal about it in order to help each other out. Let's start confessing to our closest friends. Sin can't live in the light. Understand that Jesus can fully clean you up. Stop putting yourself in the penalty box and just go to Him. Receive His grace, but also take this sin very seriously. It wants to destroy you. See yourself as a drug addict. Put in the work in order to stay clean. Commit to a daily surrender in order to walk in freedom.

And remember this life altering TRUTH: You have the resurrection power inside of you.

Now go live like you do.


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