Back when I met Jonni, I was a single guy in my 20’s. In all honesty, the thought of getting married young was something I laughed at. I had absolutely no desire to get married in my 20's, settle down, and start the rest of my life. I was perfectly content to live my own life, not answer to anyone, and just do whatever I wanted.
But I’d be lying if I said that feeling lasted much past our second date.
The more I got to know Jonni, the more all of the other noise in the world faded into the background. As I fell more and more in love and spent more and more time with her, my entire way of thinking changed. Each day that went by, she became more central in my mind, and she started to redefine the way that I thought about my future. Seemingly out of nowhere, I wanted to get married young, and the old way of thinking disappeared.
Soon, it wasn’t just future plans that were redefined, it was the way I thought about beauty.
Jonni wasn’t just a “hot girl” to me anymore, she became the definition of beauty to me. As a result, I no longer walked around and saw other women as attractive. My entire mindset about beauty was centered around Jonni.
To me, everything about her is beautiful. I find beauty in the way she looks when she gets ready to go out, but also in the way she looks while she sleeps, when she wakes up, when she is just laying around the house, etc. As a Christian husband, my role is to love my wife as Christ loved me. Essentially, this means that I am responsible to love my wife unconditionally.
In reference to the love God has for us, Paul says in Romans
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8: 38-39
Paul is saying that there is no way that God will stop loving us. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives unconditionally. One of the most quoted pieces of scripture when it comes to marriage is Ephesians 5.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
What I have found is that the more I practice unconditional love for Jonni, looking past her shortcomings and focusing on all of the incredible things that she brings to the table, my mindset, regarding beauty, becomes more singularly focused. Beauty, aside from my wife's, has becomes irrelevant to me. I don’t identify “beauty” as culture defines it as beauty, because my standard is defined by my wife.
It goes without saying that fostering this type of mindset is incredibly rewarding in our marriage. As we get older, and as time passes, we won’t always have the same appearance that we have in our 20s. We will age and go gray (or bald). The awesome part of all of that is that as we continue to change and progress through life, so will our standards of what is attractive. Beauty will always be defined by my wife, regardless of what stage of life we are in.
Defining my perspective on beauty in this way brings so much joy and life to our marriage. There is no questions of jealousy and Jonni knows that she has no reason to be insecure in this areas because my eyes are and always will be, only for her. If we give into the lie of our cultures standard of beauty, we are neglecting the amazing gift of having the ideal image of beauty in our spouse. There is so much contentment in knowing that my wife is my standard of beauty and gratitude that she chose to spend the rest of her life with me.