I know what it's like to make excuse after excuse as to why you should settle.
Maybe you are sure it's a miracle that another human being simply thinks you're beautiful, because you find yourself ugly. Maybe you see potential in this person, but they aren't quite where they should be yet. Maybe they tell you all the things you wished your dad would tell you, so you think it's good enough.
You think being treated just okay, is being treated great. But you only feel that way because you've never seen what real love actually looks like.
You take all of their many flaws and if they have done one or two decent things, you think it makes up for all of the hurt they've caused you. You see other romantic stories and you don't even admire them anymore, because you just know for a fact that it's not reality.
Insecurity is an ugly word. It keeps us from living our best lives. It keeps us from being happy. It keeps us from taking risks. We don't want any kind of pain, so we choose to not take any chances at all. We choose to settle.
I always went after guys that looked like a big project. I knew that if we dated, then it would be great because they would never find a girl that is like me that accepted them for the crazy mess that they were. I always ran after men that weren't the best, because well... I really thought that I was nowhere near the best either.
I felt undeserving and incredibly unworthy. I grew up being distracted by feeling anger and sadness, which never allowed me to find out who I was, fall in love with me, or take any kind of care of myself. And even when I got saved, I seriously struggled with thinking that I would be ever able to marry a man that God sent for me.
I began going to counseling, and week after week, we chipped away at my harshness towards my reflection and we worked on figuring out why I ought to be treasured. The first step toward this was understanding the origins of where these first feelings were formed. For me, my origin was my father. For you, your origin can be bullies, mental health, or the media.
Then I needed to take a break from everything that triggered me, which were things like Instagram and Facebook, and search the scriptures to find out what God said about me and his daughters in general. For so long I bought the lies that society fed me, and I needed to zero in on God's truth. Lastly, I worked on self compassion and lowering the expectations I had on myself.
As I sought God and began to understand who I was in Him, I realized that I did deserve to be treasured- no matter what my past looked like, what my family looked like, or what my inner thoughts looked like. And you do too.
When I was walking down the aisle to meet Ron and marry Him- He couldn't stop crying. And in that moment- I thanked God, over and over again, that He didn't allow me to settle and to get stuck. You deserve a man that cries at that alter for you, girl. Stop believing otherwise.
Let this become your daily prayer:
God, I pray that you give me your eyes to see myself with. Enable your voice to echo louder in my heart than the noise that society tries to engrain in me. Help me to be able to see how precious my existence is to you and bring my standards for men up to where they need to be. Over all, let you be glorified in every deed that I do and in every word that I say. Even the deeds and words towards myself. In Jesus' name, Amen.