Is Being Friends With My Ex A Good Idea?

He promised he would never leave me, yet there we were. Sitting, side by side, in front of a pastor. I heard the words "I just don't want to be with her anymore. I need space."

I couldn't stop my eyes from staring at the ground. There were numerous knots in my stomach, my knees were weak, and it felt like I was running out of air. I dropped my self worth and even begged for him to stay, but he wouldn't. His heart was cold and I could tell he didn't love me anymore. It was over.

I couldn't eat or sleep much the next few weeks but I knew I needed to start moving on.

After a month passed by, a guy asked me out on a date and because I thought it would be a nice distraction, I winded up going. That very night, I got a text from my ex. He was acting like nothing had happened at all. I remember saying something like- "Hello? You broke up with me? How are you texting me so normally?" In which he responded "Oh, now I'm an enemy? I thought we could still be friends and maybe be more in the future if the timing was right." It's funny, because I recall feeling like I was the one that was wrong in that situation. Like, hmmm, maybe we are supposed to be friends now. Maybe that's what healthy people do.

Well, I learned the hard way that that's not what healthy people do in the slightest. He was just a master manipulator.

Every time we texted or had a phone call, I was sent on this crazy emotional roller coaster. How was I expected to forget about all of the lines we crossed? How was I expected to cancel out all of my feelings while still being in contact with him? I wasn't able to think about my future or enjoy my present while spending all of my time dwelling on my past.

I finally had to end it, once and for all. I had to block his number. Delete all of his family from my social media pages. Burn every photo. I had to show God that I wanted to heal emotionally.

It was very difficult to let him go but he wanted all of the benefits of having a girlfriend, without the strings attached. He still wanted the late night calls, vent sessions, and somebody to spend time with. Yet, my heart was still in shambles. I was left wondering why I wasn't worth him fully choosing me. Why was he just choosing parts of me? I felt like I was losing my mind trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

After I finally put a stop to it, I would be lying if I said I never unblocked his number or stalked him online to see how he was... but God honored my intentions and my effort and eventually, I was completely over him.

If your relationship ended badly, you should not be friends with your ex. Period. Point blank.

While we should continually pursue forgiveness, that doesn't mean we need to allow them back into our lives. There is clearly something about the two of you that brings out the worst in each other. You learned what you had to for a season, but now you keep moving forward.

If your relationship didn't end badly... which means, the both of you broke up because of your inability to stay pure, or maybe you both idolized each other more than God, or maybe one of you respectfully ended it because you really didn't see a future there... then reconciliation can happen in the future, but it shouldn't happen right away.

After you go through the hurt and pain that comes with a break up, which may take months to a year, then you can try to reconnect. Reconciliation means that you are friendly to one another, but not exactly friends. It means you keep a healthy distance between yourselves, but still find it okay to speak to them from time to time if you see them out in public. It means it doesn't cause you pain to interact with them.

Overall... There is no real need to keep any kind of active relationship with your ex alive. If you stay in contact with them, it's only going to bother and probably hurt the next person you date or marry. There is enough forces trying to hinder your marriage. Don't give the enemy a foothold.

Remember, they're your ex for a reason.

Let's Stay Connected!

© 2020 by Jonni Nicole Parsons