Q&A: Relationships

I always collect questions for topical Q&A’s and a lot of girls that follow me wanted me to answer their questions about heartbreak!

Unfortunately, every girl experiences it at least once in their life and there are not many resources or help out there for this particular season! The reason why is because everybody is different and everybody heals and handles that situation differently. Hopefully this post can shed light on the subject and relate to at least a few of you.

How many times have you been heartbroken?

My 9th grade fling was my first heartbreak and then I dated two boys in high school that ended pretty badly. I would say a total of 3 times. I wish I would have learned the first time. It would have saved me a whole lot of tears!

I didn't take heartbreak super well. I mean... who does? But I was particularly unhealthy when it came to breakups. I would miss my classes, cry uncontrollably, and would feel like the earth shattered completely beneath my feet.

Heartbreak sucks! Especially for a young girl who doesn't have a dad.

How did you get over them?

When I experienced my first 9th grade heartbreak, I wasn’t a Christian. He hung out with me during school break, but once school came around, he told me he didn’t want to hold my hand in front of any classmates. Then he completely just stopped answering my texts and calls. No explanation. Nothing. I was officially ghosted! It was horrible as a 14 year old girl. I wrote a lot of songs and cried a lot of tears. I was super broken and I didn’t truly heal from that rejection until I met God.

When I knew Jesus, going through heartbreak was much better. It wasn’t easier per se, but I finally had hope. I read my Bible, listened to worship, fellowshipped so much, traveled, and went on dates. The more I searched for God, the quicker my heart was healed. If you are going through heartbreak now, I recommend the book of Hosea in the Bible! Please read it!

When I think back to my three boyfriends that I had, I don't think I ever truly loved them. It was all just a fleshly attachment and what I really had to do was constantly surrender them as an idol before God, and keep my eyes focused on eternity.

What was your worst heartbreak?

I would say the worst time I have ever been heartbroken was my second boyfriend in high school. I was so convinced that I was going to marry him and we truly did have the ideal young, wild, and free kind of love. It was hard though because I lead him to Christ. Evangelistic dating, though he stayed saved (praise GOD), doesn’t always end the best way and nobody should bank on it.

Because we were so young, there were a lot of mistakes made. We struggled with purity and he didn't have any motivation for a career. We didn't really see eye to eye when it came to practical future things. He broke up with me on my 18th birthday, a week before my senior prom, and told me he had never been in love with me after a whole year of being together. It felt like I was punched in the gut. The air was taken out of my lungs. I suffered big time for a few weeks.

Since then, he’s apologized and we have remained acquaintances . He is super active in his church so at least something great came out of it!

Do you regret being with any of them?

Because I’m a Christian, I cannot say I regret something with a clean conscience. I know that God works everything for the good of those who love him, so I just have to trust that those relationships were a part of His will. But if I'm being honest... I could have spent my time doing way better things. Like being more involved in my community and building stronger friendships. I wasted so much of my youth chasing after boys that didn't care much about me.

If I had listened to God, I wouldn't have been with any of them. He told me very clearly before I dated each of them, not to. I did it anyway. Although God still forgives me, I've had to face such insecurities and heartbreak because I didn't listen to Him in the beginning.

Do you still think about them?

Only when I see how great I have it with Ronnie and realize I would have never had that if I had stayed with anyone from my past. So I just quickly reflect back on those flings, praise Jesus, and keep it movin’.

What do you think those heartbreaks taught you?

After those heartbreaks, I learned 3 major lessons that I carry with me throughout life...

Lesson #1 Emotions Are Fickle And Unreliable

Our emotions are our natural drugs. They are the reason people use drugs to begin with: to feel more. We enjoy getting lost in our emotions because it feels liberating... yet, they can be anything but. Emotions got the best of me, and instead of leading my emotions, they were my leader. I followed my heart instead of following God.

Lesson #2 Trust God Always, Even When You Don't Want To

God told me not to date those boys through my dreams, through my mentor, and also through His word. I was warned countless times not to enter those relationships, but I justified it and told God, "Well, I promise to share the Gospel with them a whole bunch!" - I loved looking at people as projects... but I never finished fixing any of them. I didn't even come close! If I had listened to God the first time, I truly believe my life would look a whole lot more different now in a good way.

Lesson #3 Loving Myself Is Actually Possible

After all of those heartbreaks, I was fed up and booked a one way trip to Italy! It was there that I experienced God's presence like never before. I sat on the beach for a whole month and journaled, read the Bible, and reflected on His love for me. It was the best season of my entire life, and that's when I finally learned what I was really worth! Just shortly after that, I found a forever with Ronnie!

What advice would you give to your future daughter if/when she experiences heartbreak?

So first of all- I would tell her to cut off all social media contact with her ex!!!! This includes texting and social media. It is impossible to get over someone if you are constantly checking their status and hence making their daily lives a very significant part of your daily life.

I would encourage my daughter to find and identify at least one moment during each day that she is grateful for. Gratitude is an amazing thing and makes us all feel better about life no matter what is going on in life.

I would start a future husband box with her! I made one when I was 16 and it was so precious to me! Any time I was heartbroken or hurting, I would write a letter to my future husband and once I got married, my husband and I opened it and read them all on my wedding night! It was awesome.

All of our stories are different, so I am sure there are aspects to having your heartbroken that I did not cover here. However, I hope that some of my honest answers were helpful to you. Just know that you are loved so dearly by God and He is the one you can count on to never break your heart!!!!

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© 2020 by Jonni Nicole Parsons